Dr. Motherlode: BLING of Doom

I know my strengths. Like the fact that I have more money than the combined population of Germany, America, Eurasia, and Belgium. Like the fact that my IQ is 1,000,000,000. Like the fact that Fabio comes to me for beauty tips.

But I also know my weaknesses. My self esteem is a bit too low. And I can't help but blog about my evil schemes, even though it ruins the surprise. Some times, after a hard day's scheming, I just have to sit down, flip open my laptop, and blog till the stars come up. I have a similar problem with dancing. I am addicted to the show "Dancing with the Stars" and I practice all the moves I see while I watch the show. I also created a clone of Kate Gosselyn and we dance together for exactly 30 minutes a day.

But having weaknesses is actually part of my strength ... because I know my weaknesses, therefore I can control them.

On to my BLING of Death scheme. I got this idea when I was watching Dancing with the Stars and saw a commercial for a rap video. There was a rapper with gold teeth, gold necklaces, fat earrings. In fact, I almost got jealous. Then I purchased that rapper's entire record label, shut it down, and eventually got all of his jewelry repossessed. Then I purchased all his jewelry from a pawn shop and mailed it to Kate Gosselin -- sent under a disguised name -- "Secret Admirer: Bling Daddy."

*YAWN*

I am tired from so much evil genius-ing. I've heard you can lose IQ points if you don't get plenty of rest. I try to get at least 10 hours a day. This might sound like a lot of sleep, but keep in mind I can do more in 7 minutes than the average man can do in 7 lifetimes. So don't judge me. Or you might wake up a tatoo of Dr. Motherlode's face on your back. I have a mind-reader ray ... Tune in next time for BLING of Doom part 2.